saving ink

Today’s search through the Internets have resulted in an absolute gem: Revenge of the Introvert on Psychology Today.

Reading this article is like reading a manual on me. A few parts stand out especially, like this one:

“As a card-carrying introvert, I am one of the many people whose personality confers on them a preference for the inner world of their own mind rather than the outer world of sociability. Depleted by too much external stimulation, we thrive on reflection and solitude. Our psychic opposites, extraverts, prefer schmoozing and social life because such activities boost their mood. They get bored by too much solitude.”

And this one:

“Scientists now know that, while introverts have no special advantage in intelligence, they do seem to process more information than others in any given situation. To digest it, they do best in quiet environments, interacting one on one. Further, their brains are less dependent on external stimuli and rewards to feel good.”

I’ve known for some time now that I’m not a team player. Not that I can’t stand other people (that largely depends on their level of intelligence and sense of humor), but for the most part, I prefer to be alone or in a small group, especially when working. Then, that 20-30% of me that’s extroverted comes out in large bursts, usually on weekends, usually when there are large amounts of alcohol involved.

But I go crazy if I don’t get a certain amount of alone time each day or week, to the point of getting irritable and snappy towards those around me. Luckily, since I’ve been living by myself for about three years now, that doesn’t happen very often anymore.

And then there’s this perfect explanation of why I’ve always preferred writing to conversation - or at least found that I’m far better at the former:

“Extraverts are comfortable thinking as they speak. Introverts prefer slow-paced interactions that allow room for thought. Brainstorming does not work for them. Email does.”

In other words, I can absolutely come up with a witty and intelligent retort to your insult that could reduce you to a blubbering mess… if you give me a couple of hours.

Anyway, I’ve known the previously-mentioned information for a long time now, and accepted it as part of my personality. However, reading about the following correlation just resulted in an epic “duh” moment, as in, why the hell didn’t I see this earlier:

“As a result, introverts are not driven to seek big hits of positive emotional arousal - they’d rather find meaning than bliss - making them relatively immune to the search for happiness that permeates contemporary American culture. In fact, the cultural emphasis on happiness may actually threaten their mental health. As American life becomes increasingly competitive and aggressive, to say nothing of blindingly fast, the pressures to produce on demand, be a team player, and make snap decisions cut introverts off from their inner power source, leaving them stressed and depleted. Introverts today face one overarching challenge - not to feel like misfits in their own culture.”

Of course! How did I overcome this challenge? By leaving it - by leaving America and the 9-to-5 system I obviously don’t belong in, and that I’m even now continuing to distance myself from more and more. But that means that there are millions of others - half of the population of the U.S. according to the article - still stuck in a country that “promotes the direct, fast-paced style of communication associated with extraversion” and rewards “talkativeness, assertiveness, and enthusiasm”. To summarize the gist of the rest of the article: That’s kind of fucked up, right?

I think the ultimate irony is that the best response to this problem would be to join together as introverts and rise up against the dominance of extroverts in American culture… except that, well, we can’t really do that. At least, not comfortably. And probably not that effectively. Perhaps a manifesto of some sort would be more fitting, but that would just be ignored. What’s an introvert to do?

Perhaps one place to start would be to instill some understanding in extroverts: What Not to Say to an Introvert. Damn straight.

Finally, this apt distinction between introversion and shyness should be far more prevalent in our culture:

“On the surface, introversion looks a lot like shyness. Both limit social interaction, but for differing reasons. The shy want desperately to connect but find socializing difficult […] Introverts seek time alone because they want time alone. An introvert and a shy person might be standing against the wall at a party, but the introvert prefers to be there, while the shy individual feels she has no choice.”

Yes! The introverted aren’t hopeless social rejects, we just don’t like you!

Ok, ok, more accurately: we just like our own heads better.

As I wrote last month, I am conducting an experiment on myself to determine whether a simple lack of vitamin D due to insufficient exposure to sunlight in this miserable Polish winter is causing the Seasonal Affective Disorder that has been a pain in my ass since I moved here.

I began the experiment over two weeks ago, on the 4th of January. I have been taking one dose of HASCO Vitaminium A-2000+D3-400, which was the only vitamin D supplement I could find in the local pharmacy. However, the box of this vitamin A and D cocktail reads that it’s “for people lacking sufficient exposure to sunlight”, so it actually seems to be perfect for my purposes.

So far, I have not noticed an actual improvement in my mood, but there has been a pleasant lack of depression as well, with one exception: this past weekend, I went out of town for 24 hours and forgot to take the vitamins with me, so on Saturday and Sunday I went without the supplements. Upon returning on Sunday afternoon, I felt a feeling of uselessness and lack of desire to be productive, which stretched into Monday. Now, it’s still unclear whether this is a result of lack of vitamins or a result of wanting to enjoy a lazy Sunday afternoon after a good weekend and the usual Monday blues at the start of the workweek - for that I’ll just have to continue the experiment for at least another month.

The good news is, I’ve had no side affects and am perfectly healthy, so at the very least, we know that taking vitamin A+D supplements has not turned me purple or made my head explode. Yet.

I’m going to attempt a public experiment. Since moving to Poland (a very, very cold climate) from Texas (an unbearably hot climate) four years ago, I have either developed Seasonal Affective Disorder, or I have always had it but it lay dormant as long as I had regular exposure to sunlight during the winter. But now that I live in a place where the sun sets around 4 pm for months at a time, the textbook lethargy, physical weakness, melancholy, and general lack of enthusiasm for anything have started to appear on a regular basis during this time.

And frankly, SAD is a pain in the ass. While I wish I could indulge in the “tortured artist” stereotype and create great works of beauty during this period, unfortunately depression just generally renders me useless. Then, this uselessness leads to being even more depressed about my uselessness (and stressed on top of it, because my to-do list only grows in winter), creating an endless, annoying cycle. So this year I plan to end it, with an experiment as follows:

Hypothesis: A deficiency of vitamin D is the main cause of my seasonal depression.

Reasoning: This depression feels more chemical than emotional, so the best course of action is to fight it with chemistry. By this I mean that I cannot at any point pin my feelings on any particular cause, and thus they seem irrational (and even more irritating because of that). I think the physical lack of vitamin D, rather than an emotional response to a lack of sunlight (which I don’t get to enjoy that much of in the summer anyway because I work full-time), is the culprit.

Experiment: I will begin with the recommended daily allowance of 1000 IU of vitamin D via supplements for two weeks. If I do not notice any results, I’ll gradually up the dosage (within a safe range, of course).

Result: I’ll let you know in March.

Meanwhile, does anyone else find themselves SAD in winter? Have you tried to fight it, and if so, how?

EDIT: I am not moving from Poland this winter at least, and even when I do move it won’t be to a hot climate again, so that’s out. Also, I can’t afford one of those fancy sun-like lights.