Posts tagged habits
On Mahjong
Yes, you read that correctly. I’m writing an entire blog post on the ancient Chinese game of Mahjong, or at least the digitalized, solitaire version of it. I first played this game as a teenager, probably in middle school or maybe the first year of high school, when a Chinese-American friend taught it to a bunch of us and we would play for hours on her dining room table. Right away it reminded me of Rummikub, which was unknown to most Americans but familiar to me, as I had played it in Germany with my uncle as a little kid.
Nostalgia aside, I had forgotten about Mahjong for over a decade when I found and downloaded a free solitaire version of the game for my laptop. Then I found a free phone version as well, and it quickly became my go-to procrastination tool during longer periods of work. But unlike taking Facebook breaks or catching up on my Reeder feed, Mahjong breaks felt refreshing, not draining, and after a game or two I was actually ready to get back to work.
Anyway, why is any of this important enough to write about (and what does it have to do with writing, for that matter)? By playing Mahjong only during prolonged stretches of work, I managed to condition myself to work longer. By allowing Mahjong to be my only acceptable form of rest, somehow the temptation to procrastinate in other ways was significantly reduced (though not completely eliminated yet, I am only an ADD-prone human).
Playing Mahjong is also an excellent gauge of current brain functioning for me, which is an important thing to be aware of when intoxication and sleep depravation are regular occupational hazards. If I can’t complete a game in a timely manner, if the tiles are starting to blend together, I know it’s either time for sleep or more coffee. It’s a fail-safe; if I can’t put two Chinese characters together, I have no business writing anything.
My point is, over the last year I’ve learned to develop these systems that allow me to work in spite of myself, even at times when I’d much rather be out riding bikes or occupying a bar stool or even watching cheesy TV shows. Mahjong breaks are part of the system. Another trick is listening to the Battlestar Galacta soundtracks while working - something about Bear McCreary’s gorgeous classical battle compositions puts my mind in a place where it needs to create, be productive, fight battles (“Prelude to War”, anyone?), aspire to greater heights, even if it’s just translating magazine copy or writing website articles.
I wish I could say that my job is always exactly what I want to be doing, that work always feels like play, but that’s bullshit. I love my lifestyle, and there are days when I love my work, but more often there are days when it feels like work and no amount of sugarcoating will make it otherwise. Deadlines leave no room for mood swings or deliriousness. So I put these systems in place so I can work through the work until there’s less of it and more of the type of work that I do love. And even then, I have no illusions that that work will always come easily, but if I can manage to ingrain these little mind tricks, even those days won’t be as hard anymore. At least, so I hope.
“ As the hierarchy of the traditional workplace breaks down, we are all gaining more freedom and flexibility. More and more, we can set our own long-term goals, we can determine our own work schedules, we can work at an office or at a coffee shop, we can make our own decisions about what we focus on today, and what we focus on tomorrow. But this “freedom” also brings responsibility — a responsibility that, I would argue, demands a vastly increased capacity for self-control.”
If I had to pinpoint the single most difficult part of freelancing, this is it. Not the occasional poverty, not the lack of regiment (which I enjoy), not the instability (also a plus in my book), but the sheer amount of self-control it takes to get anything done, and more importantly, to build a business and a future rather than just getting by.
In essence, I began freelancing nearly a year ago as the kid who grabbed the marshmallow after two minutes. I may have left my old job, but I was still weighed down by my old habits, and it took months for me to even realize this, and the past two or three months of continuous, hard work to get a grip on it, which I still consider very much a work in progress. But I’ve gotten better. Even if I don’t always control my Facebook itch, I’m aware of it. Even if I don’t always wait until I’ve finished all of my work for the day to eat dinner (a surprisingly effective habit I’ve found), I know that’s what I need to do, and I do it more often from week to week. If nothing else, jumping off the deep end into the freelance pool has made me minutely aware of all of my faults, and singularly motivated to improve on each and every one. That’s why I’ve started getting in shape again. That’s why I’ve been setting goals and writing them down on a giant white board hanging over my desk in my apartment. That’s why I’ve made a lot of them public, to keep myself accountable. That’s why I want to stop drinking for a month or two, or at least severely cut down. That’s why I keep some semblance of a schedule, even though I don’t have to. That’s why I need to make myself write more, whether I feel like it or not, whether I have paid work to do or not, because everything depends entirely on me now, which is an equally terrifying and exciting prospect.
On Turning Off
I’ve been absent from this blog for a while, and no matter how I try to rationalize it (I’ve had a lot of work, my parents visited, there was an epic wedding weekend, I had to clean up cat puke) and say I’ve been too busy living to write, I find that excuse leaving a bitter taste in my mouth. Imagine me dropping dead and my obit reading, “She was doing so well but then she got too busy to breathe. Poor thing.”
So what’s the problem, exactly? It’s been eight months since I left my old job and turned freelance. I’m slowly getting to the position where I’m getting steady work (though I need to do more marketing and sort out some legal details still). My website is set up, so all that’s left is to do the actual work when I have it, and that takes far fewer hours per week than my old job required of me, especially since I no longer have to spend eight hours in an office whether I have work to do or not. I have more time than I’ve had since my first year of college (the only time I didn’t also have a job), and plenty of ideas for writing projects, not just in this blog. And yet, it seems that every part of my day is increasingly occupied. So what’s the matter with me?
I think I’ve isolated at least part of it: I may have left my old job behind in December, but I took my old habits with me.
When I had to sit in an office all day, I developed coping mechanisms. As I’m a late riser and night worker, I’d spend the first hour or two of each morning just trying to force my brain awake so I could start being productive. This involved visiting news sites, reading my RSS feeds, downing enough coffee to dispatch a small elephant and generally killing time until I either had to do something time-sensitive or felt like my brain was present enough to start writing an actual article.
When I used to check email at work, it was a matter of keeping my head above water during the daily flood, which meant ignoring a good number of messages, putting many off until the absolute last minute, and dealing with the truly urgent ones - but not immediately, just before it was too late.
These days, I set my own hours. If I feel like working early (say, noonish), I work early. If I feel like getting groceries and working out and making a nice dinner during the day and then working until the wee hours, I do that. I don’t have a set schedule, I have a schedule regulated by necessity and efficiency. I work when I feel I’m most productive. As for email, it’s no longer a flood but a manageable trickle.
And yet, I still won’t answer some messages for days, though they require minimum effort on my part. Worse still, I find myself spending significant parts of my day visiting news sites, reading my RSS feeds, drinking coffee and energy drinks and generally killing time. Except now it’s my time that I’m wasting, not an employer’s, and I’m the only one losing out.
This week was a bit of an eye-opener, in that all of my precious habits that I had developed during my years of working at the newspaper and continued into my freelance life were forcefully disrupted. My parents visited for the week, and since my apartment is tiny that meant I slept at a friend’s place while they took over my flat. That meant no computers, TV or even wifi before bed or right in the morning. Over the weekend two of my good friends got married, and since it was a proper Polish wedding that meant the festivities started on Thursday and finished Monday morning. Luckily, I didn’t have much work during that time, and none of it was that urgent, so that means I spent less time in front of my computer and more time surrounded by breathing human beings that weekend than I had in years - and I had an amazing time. Sure, it helped that the wedding party was well stocked with enough food and booze to keep a small nation-state going for weeks, and that I was surrounded by old friends, many of whom I hadn’t seen in years, as well as my parents, who I see about once a year, but in the end what matters is that the world kept going even if I wasn’t constantly reading about it, and I didn’t die of boredom even if I didn’t constantly have a screen in front of my face.
Does that mean I’m going to throw out my computers and start crashing Polish weddings? No, I like working just enough to ward off imminent starvation (though, have you ever seen a Polish wedding? Crashing those would keep me fed for life…). But it does mean that I need to reevaluate how I spend my time, so that every minute spent in front of a screen is spent doing something that will either earn me money now or in the future. I need to start creating more and consuming less. I need to unsubscribe from RSS feeds (or just delete Reeder off my Mac and phone), be content with listening to the BBC while making breakfast for my daily news fix, turn off the screens before bed and get enough sleep so I can drink coffee for pleasure, not necessity, and take back my time.
In other words, I need to unsubscribe from my old habits, and embrace new ones. It’s about time.
“ But preferring to work at night might go beyond a need to escape distractions. Some people are hard-wired to perform better as it gets later, said Michael Thorpy, director of the Sleep-Wake Disorder Center at the Montefiore Medical Center in the Bronx. “Our circadian timing of sleep is affected by genetics, and people all differ,” he said. Mr. Thorpy said many people experience surges of alertness two to three hours before they fall asleep — ideal for powering through some unfinished business. “If it fits in with their lifestyle, it can work very well,” he said. “A large part of their waking day is when things are quieting down.”
Fraternity of the Wired Works in the Wee Hours - NYTimes.com
Every cell in my body right now is screaming, “YES, YES, THAT’S ME!!!” as I’m reading this article. I hope this is a first step in a much-needed alternative to the 9-5, which, quite frankly, just doesn’t fit with some of our bodies (namely, mine).
I want to start something like this in Krakow. Any takers?
