“ As the hierarchy of the traditional workplace breaks down, we are all gaining more freedom and flexibility. More and more, we can set our own long-term goals, we can determine our own work schedules, we can work at an office or at a coffee shop, we can make our own decisions about what we focus on today, and what we focus on tomorrow. But this “freedom” also brings responsibility — a responsibility that, I would argue, demands a vastly increased capacity for self-control.”
If I had to pinpoint the single most difficult part of freelancing, this is it. Not the occasional poverty, not the lack of regiment (which I enjoy), not the instability (also a plus in my book), but the sheer amount of self-control it takes to get anything done, and more importantly, to build a business and a future rather than just getting by.
In essence, I began freelancing nearly a year ago as the kid who grabbed the marshmallow after two minutes. I may have left my old job, but I was still weighed down by my old habits, and it took months for me to even realize this, and the past two or three months of continuous, hard work to get a grip on it, which I still consider very much a work in progress. But I’ve gotten better. Even if I don’t always control my Facebook itch, I’m aware of it. Even if I don’t always wait until I’ve finished all of my work for the day to eat dinner (a surprisingly effective habit I’ve found), I know that’s what I need to do, and I do it more often from week to week. If nothing else, jumping off the deep end into the freelance pool has made me minutely aware of all of my faults, and singularly motivated to improve on each and every one. That’s why I’ve started getting in shape again. That’s why I’ve been setting goals and writing them down on a giant white board hanging over my desk in my apartment. That’s why I’ve made a lot of them public, to keep myself accountable. That’s why I want to stop drinking for a month or two, or at least severely cut down. That’s why I keep some semblance of a schedule, even though I don’t have to. That’s why I need to make myself write more, whether I feel like it or not, whether I have paid work to do or not, because everything depends entirely on me now, which is an equally terrifying and exciting prospect.
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