Why I Won’t Quit (Casually) Smoking

First of all, let me explain a fundamental principle: there is such a thing as a casual smoker. Just like a casual drinker is someone between an abstainer and an alcoholic, a casual smoker is someone between a non-smoker and an addict. Now that that’s out of the way and society can correct its erroneous perceptions, we can move on.

I have been a casual smoker for about five years now. I typically buy one to two packs per month, and when I can afford them, I prefer cloves. Most often, I smoke only on the weekends, in social situations, and generally when also drinking. I don’t smoke because I need the nicotine, I smoke because I enjoy the act of holding a cigarette; of being part of that smoker “club”, even if I’m a part-time member; of that moment after the first few draws when I become aware that my heart is beating because it starts to race and I remember that I’m a living human with this mechanism that pumps life through my veins and isn’t it awesome to be alive. That moment.

However, social smoking is just something I do to keep my hands busy when sitting in a pub, because it’s still allowed indoors in Poland. It’s also something I could give up without much thought.

The kind of smoking that I would never want to relinquish is more rare; it’s the kind that gives me a reason to escape and indulge in my own brain for a few minutes. It allows me to leave whatever surroundings I’m in, whether it’s the busy office at work or my distraction-filled apartment, and just sit outside on a bench and stare off into space. But because I’m also lifting a cigarette to my lips and inhaling and exhaling smoke in the process, I’m not just that weirdo staring off into nothingness on a park bench. No, I have a purpose, I’m there for a reason, or so it appears to the outside world, so I don’t have to worry about being self-conscious because everyone around me just assumes I’m indulging a different habit than the one I’m actually addicted to: thinking.

And that’s why won’t quit (casually) smoking. So save the warning labels and black lungs for others, because this one is a lost cause.